women – On the Road to 60

The Road Just Got Really Bumpy

In 2016 only 17% of the women labor force were 45-54 years of age. This estimate for the same age range is flat for the year 2024. What is interesting is that 5% of the women workforce is aged 65+ and is estimated to grow to 8.1% in 2024, a 47% increase in 8 years! With the current US healthcare crises and employers not hiring and/or getting rid of seasoned professionals, this paints a dreary picture for most of the population. So why are employers not hiring and/or getting rid of seasoned professionals?

In a Harvard Business Review article, it is suggested that there seem to be two reasons with regard to older women in the workforce: Age discrimination and society’s focus on the physical appearance of women. I would add a third suggestion, that being health care: the cost, and the perceived cost as the middle-aged employee continues to age. And, as we all know, shit happens as you get older. This is all very sad and scary for those of us in our middle-years, but also for employers who are focusing their recruiting efforts on younger employees and in-turn are missing out on hiring a person who has seasoned skills, a mature attitude towards work and a work-ethic that has been honed over the years.

I have worked since the age of 12. Yes, 12! (That’s me in the picture working on my typing at the age of 7.) I worked in my mother’s answering service, answering phones and doing other odd jobs that needed to be done. I didn’t go to college but was paying my own bills by the age of 17. I started my advertising career as a receptionist for a major magazine. Through the years and a lot of hard work and perseverance, I had climbed from a receptionist to working in sales for one of the most successful and prestigious companies in the world. I had made it! All my hard work had paid off…and I hated it! It was amazing to me that I had worked so hard to get myself to the top of the “ladder” only to find I really didn’t want to be there. But what do you do? Well, the decision was made for me when that company years later laid-off many people, me included. I then went to work for another company in sales because that is what I needed to do to pay the mortgage and put food on the table. I was offered an opportunity within that company to step out of my comfort zone and take on a different role, one in which I defined and refined for over 7 years. I enjoyed my work tremendously, loved the company I worked for and then I was laid-off last week.

Now, here I am a 53 year-old single mother with a teenage daughter at home. I now have to reenter the workforce where I’m competing with Millennials and younger women and men who will be looked upon more favorably then myself strictly because of my age.

This is a daunting situation that I’m trying to come to grips with. There is a bit of a war going on inside me. I have the one side that is devastated, hurt, scared and overwhelmed at the task at hand. Then there is the other side that is hopeful and wanting to explore new things, shake up my life, and do something completely different. I am trying very hard to stay positive and keep saying the mantras “all will be well”, “everything happens for a reason”, “One door shuts and another opens.”

In my research I have found a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel: Olderpreneur. I think that term will end up in an online urban dictionary sooner than later. In the Financial Times article Over 50s Are The New Business Start-Up Generation they discuss the very issues that are plaguing myself and those of my generation. It outlines how they are using their 401Ks (you can now access them at age 55) or borrowing against them to start their own businesses. This is something that interests me and allows the positive side of my inner war to do a little dance.

Until my next post, here is my advice to those of you in your 20s or 30s or even 40s: SAVE YOUR MONEY! Put as much as you can into your 401K, savings, etc.

There are Some Walks You Have to Take Alone

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote the quote ‘Nothing Can Bring You Peace But Yourself.’ He was a man ahead of his time, for he believed that all things were connected to God and therefore divine. A notion during the 1800’s that was a bit radical; today it would be embraced by many.

I saw this quote recently and it’s timely appearance made me think about my current circumstances for I believe that this is my next, and quite possibly, my hardest life lesson to learn. I was with my husband for over 23 years and after that I had a boyfriend for 5, but that is over now and I am without a partner.

I remember a conversation I had with my dear friend Channy when my husband and I broke up and I immediately went online to find a replacement. She chided me for moving so quickly, telling me to concentrate on other areas of my life. When I told her that I just wasn’t that person, that I didn’t feel whole unless I had a partner in my life, she was astonished. She couldn’t fathom a strong, independent woman such as myself needing a partner to feel fulfilled while at the same time she applauded the fact that I knew myself well enough to be honest about it.

As life does, this has changed. I know at this time in my life that I need to be at peace with myself, by myself. Just saying this is not going to make it happen of course, there is work to be done. I have that part of myself that feels like a total failure in my relationships. I have other parts of me that go to war with that feeling, pushing it down and telling it to go away. However, I believe that I must embrace that feeling, comfort it and say, ‘why yes, in some ways you did fail, but what did you learn?’ I’m still working on that, and will continue to do so, and that is why I’m choosing to be alone and find peace with myself for the first time in many decades.

I’m changing things in my life so that I can learn to love myself by myself. I’m doing that by embracing my metaphysical side and doing daily meditations. I’m also working out, but this time not just for my weight and trying to look my best for someone else, but for me and my overall health. I’m taking classes in things that interest me and enlighten me. I’m taking the moments when I’m sitting alone on the couch watching Hell’s Kitchen and not having anyone to laugh at Chef Ramsey with in stride, trying to enjoy that laughter with myself. It’s going to be an interesting journey and I look forward to learning more about me and enjoying what I learn.

Until next time, enjoy your alone moments to their fullest.

Recipe of the Day – Zucchini Pasta

There is no pasta in this recipe! Yep, Zucchini is the pasta and it’s AMAZING! But first things first, go out and buy yourself a Spiral Vegetable Slicer

You can get this on Amazon (I found mine at Home Goods for $29)

Ingredients

3 large zucchini
1 yellow bell pepper
1/2 onion chopped
6 cloves of garlic chopped
2 cup of chicken broth
2 TBS butter
1 TBS olive oil
2 Tsp: Salt, Lemon Pepper, Cumin (combine and make two portions)
Parmesan Cheese (shaved is best, but any will do)

-Clean and cut bell pepper into 4 large pieces, rub with olive oil and salt/pepper to taste.

-Put bell pepper on a cookie sheet and bake at a 400 degree oven for 35 minutes (until brown on edges and soft)

-While the bell pepper is cooking, using a potato peeler take the dark green skin off of the zucchini and cut off both ends

-Put a plate on the end of the spiral maker so your zucchini goes on to it when when making your ‘pasta’

-In a saute pan, put in 1 TBS of butter and saute your onions and garlic with half the seasoning until cooked through and set aside

-When your bell pepper is done, put into a blender with the cooked onions and garlic and 1/2 cup of chicken broth and the rest of the seasoning and puree until smooth

-In a wok or big skillet put in your sauce and the rest of the chicken broth 1 TBS of butter and heat

-Once the sauce is heated put in your zucchini and cook until tender (not mushy)

-Once cooked (yes, test it!) top with Parmesan Cheese

In the pot (you can see that I didn’t take off all the green skin my first time around, it wasn’t bad, but better with it off)

On the Plate

(with roasted potatoes and pork chop…yum!)

Thoughts are Things – Make Them Good Ones

How many thoughts do you think you have in a day? What is your estimate – a thousand? Two thousand? Experts estimate that the mind thinks between 60,000 – 80,000 thoughts a day. That’s an average of 2500 – 3,300 thoughts per hour, or 41 – 55 thoughts per minute! That’s a lot of thoughts! How many of our thoughts are positive vs. negative? Some people have estimated that upwards of 70-80% of our daily thoughts are negative. This of course depends on the person and their thought process.

When my children were little and they would say something negative, I would say to them ‘that’s not very nice, let’s change that into something nice.’ I would work with them to help them develop a way to change their thought patterns. These lessons grew as they grew and eventually the ‘thoughts are things’ lessons became a regular mantra between me and my children. My son, who is now 23, and I were talking the other day and he was iterating to me a conversation he was having with someone who said to him ‘Thoughts are things, make them good ones.” He said he couldn’t believe what he was hearing and told the person he was talking to “You know, one of the first things I remember my Mom teaching me was ‘Thoughts are Things.’ I was happy to know that he has carried this into his adulthood, because it has served him well.

Thoughts are a form of energy, so they are things. Really! Has this ever happened to you: You have to be somewhere at a particular time and you are rushing around trying to get there on time and are constantly thinking ‘I’m going to be late, I’m going to be late,’ all the while you are going as fast as you can, but those thoughts persist and you end up being late? It’s happened to us all, but have you ever stopped to think that maybe if you had said to yourself ‘I’m going to be on time, I’m going to be on time,’ you could have changed the outcome and been on time? I’ve done this more times than I can say — and it works! Case in point: My car’s engine light came on the other day and it was making strange noises, and just like you I instantly thought ‘Oh, goodness how much is this going to cost me?’ I quickly caught myself and then started my mantra of “The problem with my car will be affordable.” I kept this up until my mechanic called me and told me it was some corrosion and the cost was something I could afford.

There have been times in my life when I was worrying over something and my thoughts turned negative. I catch myself, take a deep breath, and say at least 3 times ‘It’s going to be OK, everything will turn out the way it should.’ Not only are you changing your thought pattern and possibly the outcome of the situation with this positive thinking, it also makes you feel better internally, because you are cleaning out the negative thoughts that were making you anxious.

Is it possible to have 100% positive thoughts? Oh, that would be nice! However, it’s quite the challenge when you are thinking 41-55 thoughts per minute. But, you can make the percentage of positive thoughts increase over negative by being cognizant of your thoughts. When you are being negative, stop yourself, and change it into a positive. The more you practice this, the more you are changing your thought pattern into a more positive one vs. negative. Pretty soon, you will not be catching yourself so much, because your thoughts will already be positive without the effort.

I’m positive you can increase your happy thought patterns. Now all you have to do is believe it and practice it. 🙂

Recipe of the Day – Quiche Bites

Ingredients

-10 Eggs

-1/2 cup of milk

-1 cup of pepper jack cheese

-1 cup of Monterrey jack cheese

-1/2 cup of diced ham

-Spray oil (olive or coconut)

-One small muffin pan (24)

Recipe

>Preheat oven to 350

>Spray muffin pan with oil

>Combine eggs and milk and whisk well

>Pour egg mixture into a glass measuring cup or other cup that has a pour spout

>Fill each cup in the pan 2/3 of the way with the egg mixture

>Fill each cup with a portion of cheese & ham and press into egg mixture (if you don’t the cheese will burn instead of melt into egg mixture)

>Bake at 350 for 20 -25 minutes (until egg is a bit golden on top and toothpick comes out clean)

Note: When cooked the mixture will puff up like a souffle, and that is fine, because when you take it out of the oven, it will go back into place, giving you a perfect little Quiche bite

The Only Way to Fail in Life is to Abstain

I saw the quote ‘The Only Way to Fail in Life is to Abstain’ recently on Pinterest and thought it a perfect title for this post as I was planning on writing about shaking life up and trying new things. We all tend to get stuck in our day-to-day ruts and it’s difficult and a bit scary to break out of them and do something entirely different. I’m here to say, confront your fear and go for it!

In my quest to open myself up to life, one new thing I have recently done is to join Meet Up which is an online service that matches you up with different local groups of people with interests that range anywhere from hiking to learning French. You can check out different groups and join the ones you are attracted to. Once you are part of a group you are then notified of upcoming events that the group is having and then you can choose those you would like to participate in. I joined Meet Up to get myself out there and to meet new people and do new things, because I’ve been stuck in the ‘mom, work, mom, work, mom, work’ rut for over 20 years now and thought it was about time.

I had signed up for a Tarot Reading class about a month ago. I’ve always dabbled a bit with Tarot Cards, but have never really learned the correct way to read them. For those who are not familiar with Tarot Cards, they are a set of 78 cards that are used to guide people spiritually by being a vessel to help us understand the subtle energies the universe sends us. To give you an idea, before I started writing this post, I shuffled my Tarot deck and asked for a card to provide inspiration for this post and I turned over The Moon card. Though I have not reached this level in my new class, here are some snippets from my Tarot book that explains what the Moon Card means: “When the Moon card appears in your spread, it indicates this is a period of change and fluctuation; nothing remains stable or certain for long. The Moon calls on you to accept change and the cycles of life” It also went on to say “The Moon is a fortuitous card for writers and artists. It indicates bringing ideas from the subconscious to manifest as works of fiction, poetry, paintings, and sculpture” It always amazes me how intuitive the Tarot can be. My whole thought for this post was about trying new things, which of course is change.

Back to my Tarot class: I had actually forgotten about the class when I received a reminder in my email about it. To be honest, I didn’t even remember signing up for the class, just joining the group. I decided I was going to go and thought it would be fun and interesting. But as the date of the class got closer, I started questioning my decision; arguing with myself whether it was a good idea or not. I continued to argue up until the day of my class where I found myself in my car driving to a stranger’s house where I was going to meet a bunch of other strangers, and then I got really nervous. I almost turned the car around and said forget it. Instead, I took a deep breath, continued on my way while listening to that exasperating voice of my GPS and purposefully turned my nervous and negative thoughts into positive ones: It’s going to be fine. I’m going to meet some great people. I’m going to learn something I’ve wanted to learn for years. I kept up the optimistic litany until I arrived at the teacher’s door along with all the other members of the group who arrived at the same time. It turned out to be a wonderful class filled with kindhearted women. We sat there for almost three hours learning, chatting and sharing life stories. The whole experience was amazing and I’m so glad that I stepped out of my comfort zone and got my butt off the couch to experience it. I will continue to go to her class and am so enthusiastic about it, I may host one at my house in the future.

Life has so much to give us if we only reach out and grab it. I could have very easily turned around and went home, all the while making excuses to myself that it was probably for the best. Good thing I didn’t because I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the class and left feeling full of good energy. I’m proud of myself for conquering my fear through redirecting my nervous thoughts into positive affirmations which gave me the strength to face the unknown with an open heart. Sometimes we are our own worst barrier. We put up walls thinking that they will keep us safe, when in actuality all they are doing is keeping us separated from a better life. Now, go break down some walls and have some fun!

Recipe of the Day

Portobello Pleasures (One place where I’m always trying something new is the kitchen. I made this recipe up last night and it was delicious.)

Ingredients:

4 Portobello mushrooms
4 Chicken thighs
8 cloves of garlic
1 bunch of flat (Italian) parsley
¾ cup of Olive Oil (the good stuff)
2 Cups of grated mozzarella cheese
1 Cups of Gruyere cheese
1 Cup of grated parmesan cheese
2 Leeks sliced thinly
1 yellow bell pepper diced
1 TBS butter
2 TSP of salt
2 TSP of Lemon Pepper
1 TBS of Cumin
2 TSP garlic powder
1 TSP of salt
1 TSP of pepper
¼ Cup of White Wine (Sauvignon or Fume Blanc preferred)
1 Baguette

-Combine the salt, lemon pepper, cumin and garlic powder in a small bowl and mix well

-Season both sides of the chicken pieces with the season combination reserving a about a TSP to be used later.

-In a food processor (or get your workout on and mince yourself) combine garlic and parsley and chop until fine

-Combine the garlic, parsley and olive oil and the rest of the chicken seasoning in a large bowl or shallow pan and mix well

-Clean the Portobello mushrooms (take off stems and scrape the dark underside out and clean with dry paper towel…never use water to clean mushrooms)

-Using a flexible spatula scoop some of the garlic/parsley mixture and put into the middle of the mushrooms spreading it inside to coat and also coat the outside of the mushrooms and let them lay in the mixture.

-Fry your seasoned chicken in a combination of olive oil and a TBS of butter until its brown and done and set aside to cool.

-In the same oil that you cooked the chicken in (you might need to add a little more olive oil) sauté your leeks & bell pepper with a TSP of salt & pepper until cooked through but not mushy

-Grate your cheeses and mix them together

-In a ceramic or glass oven safe shallow pan take some of the garlic/parsley mixture and spread on the bottom of the pan

-Place your mushrooms in the pan open side up

-If you have some leftover garlic/parsley mixture in your bowl, add the grated cheese to it and mix

-Chop up your chicken and mix it with the cooked leeks & bell pepper and add a cup of your cheese mixture to it and mix well

-Portion out your chicken/leek/bell pepper/cheese mix and fill each mushroom evenly

-Top the mushrooms with the remaining cheese

-Pour ¼ cup of white wine to coat the bottom of the pan – do not pour over mushrooms, pour through the middle.

-Cook at 350 for 30 – 45 minutes or until the cheese is golden

Serve with some French bread, because that sauce in the bottom is worth soaking up!

In the Pan

On the Plate

And Now for Something Completely Different

I was on the phone with my dearest friend the other night and we began an interesting conversation about where we would be in 9 years. Screw the whole cookie cutter “5 years” which you constantly hear when you are starting out in life and asked in every single job interview. When you are our age, 51, you have to look at the even bigger picture because you’re old and your children are no longer young and in 9 years you are going to be 60.

When you are over 51 (When you are 50 you are thinking “that’s ok, 50 is good,” then all of the sudden you are 51 and you’re screaming: “I’m OVER 50!”) This is when your brain starts doing and thinking things you haven’t thought of in over half a century. It’s the mindset of course, you are over 50, so what have you….accomplished? Really, is that what it comes down to? Accomplishment is something you’ve done right, if I’m not mistaken. Which means that you should only look at those things in the last half century of your life that were perfect? If I only had the lessons that life gave me that were based on things that went well, I would have learned very little indeed. One of my greatest life lessons is knowing that my fails, falls and almost accomplishments have made me the person I am today, and will continue to shape who I am.

It is my vision to write this blog every nine days. I will be writing for the purpose of sharing our journey as we approach 60. This should prove to be interesting, as she has two sons, one that is possibly going into the Coast Guard at 20 years old and one that is still figuring out his path at 22. I have a 14 year old daughter that lives with me and is my payback. I don’t say that in a bad way, it’s just my Karma for being a pretty challenging kid. I also have a 23 year old son who cooks for a living in the city, and is so much smarter than I will ever be, its scary. Let’s not even get started that Channy and I are both divorced and I just broke up with my current boyfriend who is moving out in a month. And, that is just the tip of the proverbial ice berg of our lives.

Together, we do have some things to figure out, life challenges to meet head on and who knows what else. It promises to be a bumpy road with lots of switchbacks and precarious bumps. The good part about the next 9 years is that Channy and I will be together through it all, as we have been for the past 2 decades. We will support one another, give each other painful truths, cry on each other’s shoulder and most importantly laugh at it all and move on. Though sometimes, the crying and the laughter get all intermingled, because sometimes when you are crying the hardest, you just have to laugh.